Bryan Baucoms eportfolio

Reflection

     At the end June my wife and I will celebrate out three-year wedding anniversary. I have absolutely loved being married and think it is the best choice I have ever made in my life. Though I had fun previous to being married, it’s hard to imagine life while not being married. I am often told that because I feel this way about marriage and that I still enjoy spending time with my wife that I am just in the “honeymoon phase.” To be completely honest, if this is indeed the “honeymoon phase,” I do not want to ever leave it.

   There have been many eye opening and interesting things I have learned throughout the semester in this class, but one thing that has really stood out to me is Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. Robert Sternberg, a psychologist, who in the 1980’s developed his theory of love that is comprised of three elements. The three elements that Sternberg studied are and placed in his triangle were passion, commitment and intimacy.

            Sternberg was spot on when he decided to add passion into his triangular theory. Passion is so important in a relationship, because passion is the motivational component that fuels romantic feelings, physical attraction, and desire for sexual interaction. Passion in some ways is like an addiction, because its capacity to provide stimulation and pleasure can be a powerful craving to most people. A craving that can become stronger as the relationship progresses.

            The next element that Sternberg added was commitment. Commitment is the solid foundation on which long lasting relationships are built. Commitment is the agreement to work together through whatever adversity might come along. It means loving your partner enough to never give up and continue to be loyal. It is the thinking aspect of love. It refers to the conscious decision to love another and to maintain the relationship no matter what difficulties may arise.

            The third and final element added, is that of intimacy. Intimacy is the aspect of love that is based on emotion. It creates a sense of bonding to another person. Some say that it includes feelings of warmth, sharing and emotional closeness. Intimacy is also the driving force behind the willingness to help your partner with anything they are facing. It creates a bond, in which trust can be formed and founded on. It produces openness to sharing private thoughts and feeling with those whom you love.

            This triangular theory is so important to me because it outlines how love can be sustained throughout a lifetime. Because I never want to fall out of love with my amazing wife, I feel like I will often look to this theory for guidance in how to strengthen our love. Something I plan on doing is relying on all elements of the triangle to better my marriage. Having passion, commitment and intimacy together instead of just one or even two can be a deciding factor in a relationship. Understanding this theory can strengthen commitment, increase intimacy and sustain passion in a relationship.

            While I have learned a lot in this class, some things I never thought I would know (I think I know more about female anatomy than my wife), this theory and the additional ways we have learned to strengthen our relationships and be more understanding has been the most helpful and interesting to me. I realize it is important to know about childbirth and anatomy but knowing how to love your wife and your (future) kids is obviously what is most important.