Breaking the Norm: Eye Contact
Define Norm.
As defined by the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, social norms are, “the customary rules that govern behavior in groups and societies.” According to another essay written at a prestigious university, John Hopkins University, social norms are “rules of behavior that coordinate our interactions with others. Once a particular way of doing things becomes established as a rule, it continues in force because we prefer to conform to the rule given the expectation that others are going to conform.” As discussed in class, a social norm is something that is built in cultures and societies. The norms start to reflect the values of the group. And when someone or a group of people do something that differs from the social norm, society is likely to respond. This is the reason behind when two cultures come together there are often miscommunications between the two groups of people; because of their social norms and their different ways of doing things. A social norm can be anything from how people greet each other, how they communicate with each other, how they spend their time, a person’s mannerisms, or traditions that people keep. Social norms not only vary from culture to culture, but can vary from class to class. Meaning that people considered to be at a higher economic standing will have a different collection of social norms than those with less money. For example, a person in an upper class will have different mannerisms than one in a lower class. The essay from John Hopkins University continues on by saying, “[This definition] covers simple rules that are self-enforcing, such as which hand to extend in greeting or which side of the road to drive on… Indeed it is hard to think of a form of interaction that is not governed by some degree by social norms.” Other examples of a social norm are; automatically going to the back of the line, wearing specific clothes for a certain occasion, offering guests drinks or food, giving gifts on birthdays, saying please, shaking hands when you meet someone, cutting the cake at a wedding, and so on. These mannerisms form subtle barriers between people and often, an awkward interaction. And though we may not realize it, each of us participates in social norms every day. Try as we might, most often we conform to these social norms because of the expectation from those around us.
Define and describe the norm I chose to break.
A norm that I have noticed as of recently, is the norm to look down when passing someone in the hallway. Whether at work or at school, as you pass someone walking down the same quiet hallway with you it is habitual that people make eye contact towards the beginning, but as you get closer to each other people automatically look down. Some people will fiddle with their phones, women start to rummage in their purses, people read the notes they’re carrying, play with their jewelry or watches and sometimes, people will just look straight at their feet as if they need to look at them to take a step. I chose to break this norm because it is a frequent interaction with people and one that I believe doesn’t need to happen. This social norm of avoiding eye contact is a trend (or perhaps a habit from centuries ago) done to avoid an awkward conversation. It could also be seen as a way of asking for privacy by not making eye contact which is the first sign of starting a conversation. I think that another reason for this social norm could be the lack of confidence or self-esteem in a person, somehow by not looking at someone they can’t look at you and won’t be able to judge you, or at least you won’t be able to tell if they’re judging you while you’re examining your shoe laces. Whatever the reason behind it, this is the norm I chose to break in a hope to understand it more clearly.
What did I do?
To break this norm of avoiding eye contact with those you pass by, I decided to do something simple that I hoped people would notice. Each time I took a walk through a hallway or simply passed someone in the parking lot, instead of fumbling for my keys or reaching for my phone, I smiled and kept eye contact with that person until we passed each other. One problem that I took the risk of encountering is that people wouldn’t know that I was breaking the norm because they would be mesmerized by their cell phone or entranced by their bouncing shoe laces. I smiled and looked at them several days during work and school. I work at the Salt Lake Clinic where there are quite a lot of patients, nurses, doctors and other staff that I pass by as I deliver patient’s records or messages to those I work with. I also attend night classes where fellow students and I pass each other on the way to our classes. Needless to say, I was never in short supply of guinea pigs to try this new behavior on and break the norm.
Describe the reaction of people.
As I stated earlier, because my norm wasn’t a big behavior that would catch people’s attention, I ran the risk of people not noticing my behavior. As we passed by each other, several of the people I passed by kept with the norm and looked down. They didn’t notice that I was smiling at them for the seconds (which to some might have felt like minutes or worse, hours) that we were in the same hallway. However, it was easy to break this barrier by simply saying hello and continuing to smile as we passed. I didn’t want to start a conversation, but by simply saying hello I grabbed the passersby’ attention and was able to keep eye contact with them as we walked. Most people followed my example, with a “Hello,” and a big smile. After a few seconds of eye contact they began to look a little perplexed and somewhat awkward as they broke eye contact with me but instead looked down to my shirt or at a point just past my head. Some people I made feel really awkward and they were the ones to begin a conversation with me by making some sort of small talk comment or a witty compliment of my shirt, my height, or what a busy day it was. There was a good group of people that would simply smile, say hello and immediately look down again not knowing that I was still smiling towards them. I am sure some people shook their heads after we passed, puzzled by my behavior, as I ignored their expectations. I’m sure some of the older patients exited the hallway feeling slightly happier because of a pleasant young man who wasn’t concerned with his cell phone and polite enough to say hello. And I’m sure some of the doctors were annoyed with my taking up their time as they could have read through their patient’s records or had a moment of silence during their busy days. However, for the most part, I believe the people walked out of the clinic with a bigger smile and a better attitude. Sometimes a simple hello can make all the difference in your day right?
Why did people react this way?
We are all creatures of habit. We follow the same routine as we get up in the morning, eat breakfast, put on our shirt then our pants and follow the same roads to work each day. We complete our daily duties the same each day, whether that be checking our email first or returning phone calls. As people walked down the hallway with me those few days that I was experimenting, I did something different. I altered the routine and broke the silence that the people of the clinic and school have become so accustomed to. When something in your daily life changes, it affects you and you are forced to react to it. A bigger example would be; a car that won’t start forces you to change your routine and find another way to commute to work. On a much smaller scale, that’s what I did. And that is why people reacted with a smirk or a slight laugh or an awkward couple of seconds. By breaking the norm, I did something out of the ordinary and surprised people.
Is this the reaction I expected?
The reactions of people I passed by were very close to what I expected. By no means did I expect them to stop me in the hallway and ask me why I was staring at them, though that would have made for a good conversation. And I didn’t expect behaviors to change much over the course of my experiment. But I did expect them to say hello back to me and feel a bit awkward and probably leave the hallway a bit bewildered. One of the things I didn’t expect, was the way I felt. I felt a bit embarrassed to be staring people down. And I became a bit nervous that these people that I work with would begin to think that I was a little odd. By me breaking the norm, I made myself become more self-conscious. Another aspect of the project that I didn’t expect was the way I felt leaving the hallways. My day was a little better because of the smile that sometimes I had to force. Those witty comments people said sometimes made it easier to walk those halls a million times a day. All in all, people’s reactions were what I expected.
Why or why not?
As explained previously, the reactions were what I expected because of the simplicity of the norm. It wasn’t as if I was cutting in front of someone at the grocery store, because I’m sure those reactions would be much different than the smiles I encountered (but that’s a good idea if I ever do this again). These were the reactions I expected because if I was the one being stared down, I would have done the exact same thing. What an interesting group of people we are to have such a large number of unwritten rules that we so willingly abide by.
